Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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