Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't put those talents on a resume
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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