That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
