Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
