i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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