Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
