Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
