were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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