What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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