perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize