Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize