I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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