so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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