Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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