I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
