I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
