I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize