dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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