Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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