A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
