dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
