roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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