omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We need to rekindle our bromance
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
