I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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