we have officially lost it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
