Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I forget how to act sober
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
