I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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