Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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