Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
