You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
