Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drunk is not a location!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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