Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
In America we eat man semen.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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