gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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