Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
