Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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