it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I could fuck to npr.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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