She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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