I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
