Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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