I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
