I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
