Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
