I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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