I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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