I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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