I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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