I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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