Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
