so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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