yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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