She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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