Ambien. No doubt about it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize