Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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