You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
