Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
