im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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