Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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