ya dads aren't the best wingmen
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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