you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
