Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
