Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
