I faked an abortion last night.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
