if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
