getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
