Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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