this beer tastes like vomit already
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
