U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
