I like to think it a success when the cops are called
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize